Biblically Speaking

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This quote comes from a character named Mr. Fisher-King to Jane Studdock after Mrs. Studdock said that she thought love meant "equality" and "free companionship" (page 148 of the Scribner Paperback edition).

The above statement is a commentary on many marital problems this day and age. Almost without exception when a pastor is confronted with a couple with marital anxieties it is quickly revealed that there is little or no eros in the marriage. Too often the couple doesn't understand that the lack of sex is not the problem but rather a symptom of the problem. She complains that he isn't aroused, and he complains that she isn't arousing. Well...C.S. Lewis' quote above hits the nail on the head!

When someone says that they are concerned with "equality", especially in marriage, what they are really concerned with is their own status. Spouses concerned with equality are constantly pressing to have their own rights and own status preserved and raised in the relationship. No matter the denials that may come, concern with equality always, always, always begins with a concern for self! Is it any wonder that the average man does not find the self-absorbed, self-promoting, self-seeking woman erotic...or vice versa?

Obedience and humility in marriage begins with the man. The husband is to be obedient to God. God instructs the man to love his wife and to lay down his life for her. This doesn't primarily mean that he should be willing to die for his wife if the specter of danger should arise, but it means that he must die to self for her which is much more difficult. The husband lays aside his desires for sloth and works hard to support the family. He puts aside his desires for constant recreation and fun with "the guys" in order to enjoy his wife. He lays aside his lust and his wandering eyes and he is satisfied by his wife's breasts (Proverbs 5:19). The husband guides his wife in scripture by leading worship in the home. He instructs his wife and family in the things of God and sets aside the pleasures that he might otherwise like to take his time with. The Christian husband is to obey God and lead his family in the ways of the Lord.

The wife is instructed to submit to her husband's Godly leadership. She should ensure that she is the helpmeet that she is called to be. She should be an encourager and not a complainer. Her loyalty should be beyond question. As he seeks to be satisfied by her, she should seek to ensure that he is satisfied. She should respect her husband and show that respect in public just as he should show his love for her in public. She should build him up and not tear him down. She shouldn't seek out relationships with other men, but seek to build the relationship with her husband.

What do we see too often in marriages of "equality". The man wants to lay down his responsibility, and the woman picks up the authority. The result is a directionless marriage with the woman in control and no one taking responsibility. When equality is the goal, too often the end is an emasculated wimp dominated by a vindictive diva. Who wants to have sex with either of those?